Displacement

I know exactly what you mean.

Well, maybe I don't. But I can tell you my experience and hopefully that will help you feel a bit better.

Anyways, I'll start typing....
...
.....now.


Its really strange, this stage in life. Its like being between asleep and waking up -
where the dreams you were having are still as real as before but the colors have seemed to dim,
and you're aware of the time.

I know what you mean, not feeling like you have a home. I felt like that for the last year I was in the dorms, which is why I so desperately had to get out. On the one hand, Tempe was still my home. But Really, going back caused me to see how everything had changed. My old room was a storage space, The old pictures in the hallway were different, it wasn't home anymore. And sharing a small dorm with someone, I found it incredibly hard to find a sense of home when nothing but my possessions were truly mine.

The fear of becoming a boring, lonely adult still grips me from time to time. I hate to hear myself talk about bills, gas prices, insurance, loans, and work. Not because any of it is difficult or scary (Well, the loans are a bit frightening), but because I remember how foreign those things sounded to me when I was Young. Hearing them makes me feel a bit foreign to myself, to the child still awake inside of me.

So anyways, I know what you mean. I'm not really in that place anymore, of being in between. I think it is different for everyone, getting out. But I can tell you what I did.

I Decided to grow up,
but I refused to be an adult.

Ever since I was young the word adult carried such a stale connotation. It was all of the boring stuff that is part of the adventure of growing up. I guess what I mean is I decided to become responsible, capable, and honorable; all of the things that are important in becoming a man. But I refused to give up my passion, my joy, and my love of simplicity.

I do believe that so much of happiness is a choice. For me, that means choosing to see things like a child sometimes. Here is a small list of things I go out of my way to notice.

The first shoots off grass growing in spring
the smell of burning wood
Cool action figures in the toy section of Walgreen's
How carpet feels on bare feet
The first few seconds of stepping into a hot shower (the best part)
The sound wind makes when you're around pine trees
An amazing person in an unlikely place (Most recently Jadis at Waffle House)
The Sacredness of interaction between people. Romantic and friendship.
Interesting Bugs


These sorts of things are what keep me feeling the magic of being a child.

For me, is so important to care about things. To go through life noticing that every inch of existence is so truly a miracle.

You're so right, treating every day like a holiday.
Everyday is definitely worth celebrating.

Anyways,
I don't know if any of this helped. I hope it did :)