And pass from hence away

I was walking back from a friends house tonight. i looked at what time it was a bit after I left, 1:11 am. No surprise. I was listening to my iPod and the song "..and pass from hence away" by Tim Eriksen played.

This past few days I have been trying to truly feel winter. Not to simply know its there, but to feel it. I don't think this is something a lot of people understand, though I may be wrong. To have my heart stir when I smell people burning wood in their fireplaces, to marvel at the shimmer in the frost that lays on the grass at night, lit (if only) by the moon.

I found myself sitting at a structure that sits in front of the student union on campus. It's a calendar, a large pillar situated in the middle of four stones, each signifying a direction and a season. I sat at west, winter, I was there.

I sang with the song, as loud as I could. It was entirely cold, the fog from my breath filled my vision almost entirely.

But I was happy.

Its a hard thing, finding happiness in discomfort. Its not so much enjoying what you dislike as turning a bad thing into something good. I was the frost on the grass, the cold wind around me, even the few people who walked by and gave me nervous glances.

I sang, and realized something. This entire world is cheating me. I restate what we all have heard, life isn't fair. And in truth, I never expected it to be. But what I mean is that, everything I work towards is nothing of what I truly want.So much of this life is obligatory, existing rather than living. Knowing rather than feeling.

In truth, the only thing I wish for is beyond my grasp for now. But its just one part of the cycle that we all live in.

I had twenty fantastic years of life, and so far only two bad years. So, this is the winter. I'm going to embrace it.

But courage is something that I no longer lack, or at least not with you. But one nagging truth is that, really, there is no room for me in your life. Not that I can see, anyway. And, were I lucky enough I'm not sure I would be able to compete.

I'm tired of shelves, anyways.

Few people walk side by side.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lm3qH3DitQ