Academics

Sometimes I wonder why I'm going to college. I won't say its a waste of time, or that its a waste of money. It might be, but that's not what I'm talking about.

Most of what I find classes doing is making me hate the subject matter. You know, I won't even say that its the institution's fault. Perhaps it is, but that's another subject entirely. I also see the vast importance of education and the great things it has done throughout human evolution.

Its just that where other people see tangibility, structure, and explanation resulting from academia I see rules, barriers, compartments, and so on.

I don't know why, exactly. I guess its just an example of differant ways of looking at things.

You could have one person look at a small statue. That person might read about it, see what its made out of, learn about the artist, the context of the culture it was made in.

Another person might touch it, feel the texture, look at the curves and grooves where someones tool used to be, they might even smell it to bring in the scent of the cool moss growing on it.

I'm not sure if either of these people knows more than the other. And I also don't know why in my mind both don't coexist. Its just that one feels like a job whereas the other feels like an experience. I'm sure that sentence is only going to make sense to me. I mean a job is an experience...but that's beside the point.

Here's an example. All of my life, I have refused to take guitar lessons. When I was a child my parents offered them to me, but I adamantly said no. It wasn't that I thought, or even that I still think, that the academic side of music is wrong or incorrect. I think it means a lot to many people. But for me, I knew I would start hating the guitar if I took lessons. A few things are sure, had I taken the offer I would be a technically better guitar player today. But I also feel like I would have been a more soulless guitar player. I don't know what a C chord, a B chord, or an E chord is. But I know what different combinations of notes feels like, and I know I would lose that if I took lessons.

I had that same experience with martial arts. I loved kung-fu. But the more in depth I got into lessons the more I started to resent it. The same thing almost happened with sword fighting,but instead of lessons my friends and I taught ourselves. Nobody guided or instructed us. Now I know that logically people would think that there's no way I could have turned into a good fighter. But I will say that both my friend and I are members of one of the best combat groups within the medieval reenactment society we participate in.

This really speaks to my own downfall, however. I wish I didn't have this unconscious loathing of being told how to learn, but I do.

So I'll leave it at that, for now.
besides, I like feeling far more than knowing.