Grass bent, she watches
underneath the willow tree
she sees what I miss

black earth like snake skin
wires grow from blossomed grass:
songs from their branches

~~

I am the images I look at,
I am the intention behind what I say,
each word,
each thought.

so easily shaped
such a weak species

Haiku is the snapshot of poetry

Haiku, and the similar Tanka, are two of my favorite forms of poetry. They are snapshots, photographs, ghostly images of a moment that many of us might normally miss. One example;


A Barley Wagon
Lags – then leaps
behind the horse
-Shiba Fukio (1903 – 1930)


If only I saw beauty in these, the most subtle of moments, as Shiba Fukio did. I feel like so much of what our society is made of sets us up for expectations that are completely unrealistic. Everything is a glorious cocophony of emotion in the moviesm set up by car chases, prince charming, plastic women, and impossible powers. But, cannot that same beauty – perhaps even a purer form – be found in a moment that lasts only for a brief second? The way the grass shines as it ripples in the wind, the first drop of rain to hit your skin, the moment of hesitation before a first kiss, the first taste of a perfect meal.

Most of the haiku and Tanka I have are from a book called “Japanese Death Poems”, a collection compiled by Yoel Hoffman. While they all (except the one about the Barley wagon and the burnt storehouse) are written in the last moments of people lives, note that many of them are not sad. In fact, quite a few are beautiful, and convey an air of contentedness. Death is just an event, really. It’s a multitude of other variables that makes it sad. In any case, here are some of my favorites. First, the Tanka. Then, the haiku. All of the following words were taken from Hoffman’s book, and aren’t my own.



Winds Passing
Through the shaded grove
Weigh down
My robes
With the scent of blossoms.

~~

My storehouse burned down –
Now nothing stands between me
And the moon above

~~

Not knowing
That my body lies
Upon Mount Kamo’s rocks,
My love
Awaits me

~~

Overtaken by darkness
I will lodge under
The boughs of a tree.
Flowers alone
Host me tonight.

~~

Both the victor
And the vanquished are
But drops of dew,
But bolts of lightning-
Thus should we view the world

~~

The following are specifically Death Haiku, and were written just before the time of death of the author.



Asei – Died 1752

Flowers of the grass
Scarcely shown, and withered
Name and all

~~

Baiko – Died in February 1903, at the age of sixty.

Plum petals falling
I look up – the sky;
A clear crisp moon.

~~

Bairyu – Died June 11th, 1863, at the age of fifty nine

O hydrangea-
You change and change
Back to your primal color

~~




Bokukei – Died May 16th, 1869

Cuckoo, I too
Sing, spitting blood
My welling thoughts…

~~

Chine – Died on may 15th, 1688, at about the age of 28.

It lights up
As lightly as it fades:
A firefly

Chine was the sister of Mukai Kyorai, a disciple and friend of Basho’s. After Chine’s death, Kyorai wrote

Sadly I see
The light fade on my palm:
A firefly

After Chine’s death, Kyorai was airing out Chine’s summer robe. At the moment he was doing so, he received a poem written in his sister’s memory by basho.

Airing out the robe
Pf one who is no more:
Autumn cleaning

Hey, you. Yes YOU!

For anyone who is feeling down today...

Remember that you are amazing. You are full of potential, all you have to do is use it. You are beautiful, don't doubt it. It's alright to be a little selfish now and then, smile for yourself - the world is a more colorful place when you do. If you're 'alone', don't worry. There is so much you that you can discover. And in most cases, there are more people that care about you than you may realize.

Like me, of course :)

Focus

I've realized something.

My thoughts are almost entirely inward. This place, behind the vines, where I write things has become bitter negative in this past month. Most every journal I've had has become something angry and dark, which is why I don't generally stick with them.
I think maybe this focus on all the things that bug me, bring me down, and just don't seem fair is what is making everything seem so gray, so lifeless.I think one way to change that is to change the trend of what I write here. I think when we focus on our problems too much the thoughts can become so selfish.

So how do I turn my thoughts outward?

By helping people? Say, at a food bank or some other volunteer work? Perhaps, but that is like trying to jump across a river instead of using the stepping stones.

I think the best way for me to start being less selfish is to be thankful for things. I see it this way, if I am thankful for something then my perspective is outward. Here is an example

"I am so upset. I wish things were different."

Versus -

"I'm really thankful for my friends. They're all really great people, and they make any situation so much more fun."

See the difference?


I think I'll start doing this with flagstaff. Because...moment of honesty here....

I really dislike Flag. Yes, some of the worst experiences of my life have happened in Flag, but that's where the negativity stops. Acknowledgment, fine. An unhealthy lingering, not so good.

But I can be thankful for having a place to stay
for my education
for the people around me
that there is a place where the forest isn't stamped down and destroyed.


I've lost my train of thought.
Time to go grocery shopping.

Maybe

5 months, just less than half of a year. It wasn’t enough for me. I haven’t really gone anywhere. The world is moving, but I am standing still. The wheel turns but I only age inwardly, too quickly.

Sometimes I feel like a bitter old man, filled with regret.
I am only 22 years old.

Its just that, everything in my life is wrong. I’m trying to hold a freight train together with shoestrings and paperclips.

Maybe, while I sleep, you will come and knock on my door. I won’t know who it is, but as I swing it open to see you standing there I will be so happy. And maybe, we will sit on the couch, and I will cook you dinner, and we will watch our favorite shows like we used too. You’ll lean your head on my chest and I’ll kiss the top of your head, closing my eyes as I smell your beautiful hair like I used too. Then we’ll lay and talk about the future, our garden, our dog, our place. And I will hold you close as you say that you love me. I will kiss both of your eyelids as you fall softly to sleep, and just maybe you will be happy. And I won’t be filled with regret, with anger towards myself for it all being my fault, for ruinining everything. And you won’t have forgotten me. And I’ll stay awake, for fear of waking up to a world where I’ve lost you all over again. In this dream I will tell you I love you, forever, because it is true. And I will promise you that I will never leave you, because I could not.

This will be my last entry about her, about you. I know that you’ve found someone else. Someone who is everything I am not, who is better than I am. And I know that he will slowly push me out of your heart, and you will forget me. Perhaps you already have. Whats worst is that, I know I have to forget you, too. I have to forget four years of loving you. I have to forget the beech tree, camp, the joy of your visits over breaks, surprising you at the airport and how you would jump into my arms, the happiness when I was finally with you in Angwin, the excitement of transferring to NAU, our discovery of Paganism together, our walks and playing in the snow, the tunnel we built, the way you would smile, The one time I was able to give you a good gift when I took you to cavalia, everything. I have to get rid of our journal, I have to throw away everything you gave me. I have to forget you, love. I have to forget you. But could Enoch be cast from heaven and be expected to find joy in this place?

I will try to forget you. But I know that somewhere, deep in my heart, there will always be a beech leaf…there will always be you.

I love you so much.
Be happy,
forget me.

My only one true worry about this semester is that I'm still incredibly, intensely, and undyingly in love with you.

And you add breath to all of the regret,
of how I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

They are -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTfFyp2KBxE

The above is a link to a song performed by Lunasa, called 'The Miller of Drohan'. I'm not sure of the history of the song, but I don't think it is incredibly old, perhaps one could even say its a modern tune.

Its one of my favorite songs right now. Just hearing it brings my ancestors to life in my chest.

I love who I have come from, even though throughout history many mistakes have been made. I love that my blood can be traced to Ireland, Parts of Scandinavia, and even Spain.

I love that who I am is in part made up in part of the decisions, actions, and risks taken by those who came before me. But with this I also know that some of those decisions and actions were at the expense of someone else, and even perhaps fueled by hatred.





As I go through life knowing that I am one stepping stone in the line of my family, I bear the tremendous knowledge that my actions are the variables of life to come. It is a most humbling experience.

I am the first man to walk upright, I am the first man to harness fire, I am Vikings, I am Celts, I am Spaniards, I am 'Americans', I am my parents, I am me.