My only one true worry about this semester is that I'm still incredibly, intensely, and undyingly in love with you.

And you add breath to all of the regret,
of how I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

They are -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTfFyp2KBxE

The above is a link to a song performed by Lunasa, called 'The Miller of Drohan'. I'm not sure of the history of the song, but I don't think it is incredibly old, perhaps one could even say its a modern tune.

Its one of my favorite songs right now. Just hearing it brings my ancestors to life in my chest.

I love who I have come from, even though throughout history many mistakes have been made. I love that my blood can be traced to Ireland, Parts of Scandinavia, and even Spain.

I love that who I am is in part made up in part of the decisions, actions, and risks taken by those who came before me. But with this I also know that some of those decisions and actions were at the expense of someone else, and even perhaps fueled by hatred.





As I go through life knowing that I am one stepping stone in the line of my family, I bear the tremendous knowledge that my actions are the variables of life to come. It is a most humbling experience.

I am the first man to walk upright, I am the first man to harness fire, I am Vikings, I am Celts, I am Spaniards, I am 'Americans', I am my parents, I am me.

Hurricane

One thought,
and its a bit less infinite than I had assumed.

Inception,
an easier task than DiCaprio let on.

In any case,
I had a wonderful evening.

But I walked into the conversation late,
and overheard what I knew, of course.

I hope he knows how amazing you are,
if I knew what was being said.
you deserve more than anyone could give

But I am arms crossed
in a corner
quiet

And I though I could catch a hurricane
I am not brave enough to truly
speak
to you.

In any case,
It was a wonderful evening -

goodnight.

You've gotta roll with the punches, brother.

You've gotta be willing for things to go as they will, how they will.

So mournful? You can't see much with your head down, remember that. Today is a beautiful day, and tomorrow will be another. It is a hard line, allowing yourself to lay back in the river flow of life and yet still make the choices you think are correct. But then, why not? The actions of others can be a reference book - if it makes you sick, don't do it. If you don't like an action someone takes, don't take that action. It is all very simple actually. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. There is no way to love, love is the way. There is no way to peace, peace is the way.

Do, or do not. There is no try.


Be yourself, while not an asshole about it, and beautiful people will find you.
Be yourself, while not selfish about it, and what's ugly will show true elegance.
Be honest, but not unkind, and people will appreciate your words.

Today has been a good day.

Long hours, new semester

So tomorrow is the third of the 10 hour days.

Honestly, I'm loving them.

Granted if I had done them all summer then I would definitely be burnt out. But, this one week has been a lot of fun. Honestly, its just good to be working again. I don't have a special love for painting, but I do like just being active. I've grown a lot.

Also I've realized these past two days that my flagstaff friends are really amazing. Now, I don't belittle my Phoenix friends at all. Whenever I visit the valley I'm so excited to see my buddies back home. They mean a lot to me.

And My flagfriends also mean a lot. I mean, I had no idea they liked me so much until they all started jumping up and down when they saw me. It makes me feel really good about myself, and really honored that people simply like being around me. But, It also makes me feel a bit of fear, that I might lose that. I should tell them that I also think they are great, but I'm not very good with saying that sort of thing. I should get past that; I don't want them to think that I don't appreciate their friendships.

I have high hopes for this year. I feel that it will be stressful and hard, but also that things are beginning to look up. And, of course....


I have a shiny new ticket to see Jonsi in concert this October.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs&feature=player_embedded#!

Frustration

Gah.

Frustration.

No matter how long I see, It isn't enough. there are so many barriers, I should just give up. But I can't seem to; I know why, of course. Though it isn't rational, in fact one could say nonsensical.

It isn't as though I try very hard anyways,
but when I'm just standing silently I'm in fact deperately trying to sew all my thoughts into one coherant quilt -


I can write out anything,
I just can't seem to speak, or mae anything I write worthwhile.

In truth, the poetry is a crutch. An excuse to say what I want, but to have it just cryptic enough that nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about.

Ink blots on dirty blue rags? Ancient relics? Cracks in windows and ghosts in mirrors?

Mark, that is not an avenue towards good communication.

I simply fear that I will just continue to stand in silence...boring, grey, and neutral. I know that I'm not these things, I have so much to say and to share and to laugh about and to show..but when I try to speak, it turns into dead end stories and stuttering nonsense that causes odd looks of confusion and chuckles of dismissal,

Who wants to be an old man,
filled with regret,
when they are only 22?

But then, my life is an advertisement.

But anyways,
enough of this.

Nothing will change until I am able to find joy in myself, happiness in myself, and fulfillment in the world around me.
Not until I can be perfectly happy will anything make a turn for the better.

Haha, I'm like an old and tired bush trying to make its way through asphalt



I guess it simply boils down to this.
This is just my way of seeing things, right or wrong I don't know.

All of the joy in the day,
all of the beautiful things I have seen,
all of the beautiful people I have met,
all of the happiness that I have felt..
If at the end of the day there is nobody to share it with,
then so what?
It just becomes forgotten as dust on the countertops
and thoughts on a keyboard.