Balancing things out

So I think last night I made things out to be only bad. I want to write this post to show that I didn't mean to do that!

Some of the most powerful moments in my walk through paganism have happened up at NAU with my friends. For example, our full moon ritual we had was so amazing and so fun. It was almost riveting to be out in the woods with people who had similar beliefs, and to see the candles on the ground (we were by a lake, with nothing but dirt on the ground, so no risk of fires!)

Also the going away celebration was a great time. I really enjoyed collaborating on a ritual with people I knew and then actually performing it.

Anyways, that's it. Just wanted to prove to myself mostly that I'm not still taking things in life for granted.

Balance

/sigh.

I'm getting tired of being solitary. Not in being single, I mean being a solitary pagan. I mean, I'm technically not. But, one of the groups I have is online. And, while I enjoy their posts at www.paganforum.com, but online friendships are just not quite the same. And, sometimes I feel like I just really don't have much in common with the group up at school. The only person I had a strong commonality with is on her own path now, so that knot is now more like a thread of strained pleasantries and false interactions. Strange how quickly best friends turn to strangers. That alone makes me wonder if I should go back.

Its just that everything is so feminine based. And this, I do understand. In fact, I think a lot of problems would be solved if men today were a bit more in touch with their feminine sides, because I personally believe in the idea of 'two energies making a whole'. granted, I think that the "masculine / feminine" labels are not always synonymous with "Penis / vagina". Just like in many languages, verbs and nouns can be masculine or feminine, and it doesn't really have much to do with anatomical gender. But, a lot of people view it that way. I mean, I think at times it does, and at times it doesn't. That's paganism for you, vague and personal to the point of encryption :P

I mean.... Its just hard to relate when EVERYTHING is feminine-focused. invoking goddesses exclusively, a highly dianic (if I understand the word correctly) view, and various 'women only' lodges and meetings.

Its not that I dislike these things, I really do think that they are important, but its all about balance. I mean, Its like eating pasta without sauce. Or on the flip side, slurping a bowl of pasta sauce without the noodles. I really do think we need an equal balance of masculine and feminine energy to lead a happy life. Whether you call it yin and yang, negative and positive, light and dark (not to be confused with good and bad), whatever.

Sometimes I wonder if its because of how the Abrahamic god is portrayed in our society that people are unwilling to acknowledge masculine deities. And, I think that its a decent reason. But I also think that if you are interested in the deities of ancient peoples you have to realize that;

A) Many, perhaps all, ancient pantheons were set up to have both male and female deities. While it cannot be denied that many of these pantheons were run by men, neither can the presence of these male deities be denied.

B) Many male deities, such as Cernunnos, were not the chauvinistic beings I think we make them out to be. They were just gods of male fertility, since many early religions were fertility based (on a side note, research belly dancing and fertility religions.)

C) In a spirituality that claims to be inclusive, the exclusive mentality (does that even make sense?) in refusing to acknowledge masculine energies causes a certain ...well lack of alignment. Granted, one could argue then that by my logic I should accept and acknowledge every deity. I think that the difference here is that doing so would be almost more than one person could handle, whereas even just saying "yes, masculine energies are important" and leaving it at that would be a more balanced (in my opinion, which is ONLY an opinion) way of looking at it.

I feel like a lot of people are out to make what they feel is a positive change. And, you can't really be upset at that mindset. But I think that going from a chauvinist view to a feminist (pardon my lowbrow use of the word) view only shifts focus and does not solve a problem, since the problem was not in the gender but in the dismissal of one half of a whole picture. I think that if people really wanted to change the overbearing aspects of a male dominant society they would strive instead for that whole picture.

Anyways.


That was a long rant. And, I really hope it didn't sound like I was pointing fingers at anybody or being an asshole. If I was, then I really failed at getting my point across and the only person to blame for that would be me, I'd say. I really do enjoy the group up at NAU, and all of the members are indeed friends of mine.

Anyways.


/end rant.


Some info on the picture for this post.

1) http://www.goldenelixir.com/taoism/yin_and_yang.html
2) http://www.goldenelixir.com/taoism/ill_yin_yang.html

Ganesh

Lately I've been researching the Hindu deity Ganesh, also called Ganesha. He's really interesting, and I think an interesting facet in what makes up what I feel to be one "larger" consciousness. Ganesh is, for all intensive purposes, the god of obstacles. While he removes them, he also places them; usually to teach a lesson. For example, if everything was running smoothly on a research paper and then all of a sudden you couldn't find the last two resources you needed, it could be said by some that Ganesh was trying to teach you something, perhaps that sometimes in life we have to look in unlikely spots to find what we need, and that doing so requires an opened mind.
And the idea of Ganesh 'teaching' goes right in line with the fact that he presides over higher education, which in my little realm of existence would mean college. In fact, one of his names is Buddhipriya, the "husband of learning".
Also, Ganesh is associated with the sound 'aum', which in some divisions of Hinduism it is said that "AUM is the reflection of the absolute reality, it is said to be "Adi Anadi", without beginning or the end and embracing all that exists. The mantra "AUM" is the name of God, the vibration of the Supreme."

I find it very interesting that in Hinduism, the 'first' deity is manifested physically in sound, which suggests to me that people thousands and thousand of years ago saw sound as a physical thing, even though you can't really touch acoustic energy being propagated via air particles. huh.

anyhow,

Ganesh is also associated with the first chakra, muladhara. "The First Chakra, Muladhara or root chakra is related to instinct, security, survival and also to basic human potentiality. This center is located in the perineum, which is the region between the genital and the anus. Although no endocrine organ is placed here, it is said to relate to the gonads and the adrenal medulla, responsible for the fight-or-flight response when survival is under threat. There is a muscle located in this region that controls ejaculation in the sexual act of the human male. A parallel is charted between the sperm cell and the ovum where the genetic code lies coiled and the kundalini. Muladhara is symbolized by a lotus with four petals and the colour red. Key issues involve sexuality, lust and obsession. Physically, Muladhara governs sexuality, mentally it governs stability, emotionally it governs sensuality, and spiritually it governs a sense of security"

I think that its interesting that a god of higher education, often considered to be based heavily on logic, is associated to a chakra of gut feelings and intuition, which is often thought to be illogical.

anyways. that's just the surface.

anyways, I think he's really cool.

Working retail

Sometimes while working retail you meet the most rude, patronizing, and straight up mean people. It often happens that someone will treat you like they're servant, rather than someone who is there to help them. In fact if they thought about it, they should be thankful to us retail workers; how else would they find what they want in the large maze of aisles and price tags?
Often I think we find reasons when someone is mad at us, and I think its perfectly reasonable. After all, I would like to think that if someone mouths off during closing there would have to be some sort of cause. But a lot of the time when I find a cause, it surprises me because its completely unfounded. Some of these reasons are;




1) She had short buzzed hair. She's probably just a lesbian with a vendetta against men.
2.) He's (insert non white race) and I'm white. He probably just thinks I'm racist.
3.) She's wearing a cross and I'm wearing a pentacle. She probably thinks I'm in league with the devil

The list goes on.

Now, I have to ask, who is the real asshole in this situation? The person who is irritated since I don't know how much a shell bracelet is, or is it ME. I find it odd that I have the audacity to size someone up based solely on their looks in relation to mine and decide why this person is a dick.

Maybe they are in town for a family member's funeral, and the reason they want a new amethyst pendant is because doing something nice for themselves will help them feel better.

Maybe she just likes short hair. Or maybe she is a lesbian, but what would that have to do with it, really?

Maybe the native/african american/ whomever person doesn't like me because I (god forbid) said something nasty, and my skin color has nothing to do with it.

Sure, I think a lot of the time people can just be jerks and that's it. But I think that as long as I have no idea why they are upset, I might as well assume that they are in a bad spot. And that maybe I can make their day just a little better.

I mean if I can't spread love, even to an unloving person, then I'm probably not very loving either. If I want people to cut me some slack on my bad days, I need to start doing the same thing for other people.

Wow. I'm all inspired to go to work. Well, on Friday hopefully I can practice what I preach :)

More efficient, but highly unrealistic

Wouldn't it be funny if we put out ads? Haha, I have no idea what you would say - that you've learned everything not to do, and that you're past all the mistakes you've made. Its strange when I think how much better I'll be to the next person, when I wish I could have been that to the last. I just wish I had someone to give all of this that a man can't give to himself, somewhere to place it all. It's funny, when so deep in thought you realize you've made breakfast for two when you're the only one in the house.

I have to realize that the sunset is not just mine,
that I can't watch the evening through the bougainvillea,
while the nightingale begins its first note,
and expect that no man on the earth sees what I do.
I couldn't have believed that I could own these things;
the wind
the scent of rosemary...
But I can hang paintings on my walls
and pretend that her beauty is with me
still.

I'm starting to think that
these feathers
and this paint
will continually go
unnoticed.

New Poem

I think its safe to say that I’ve found an ancient relic
And I’ll bring it to the present and make
This old and ragged house our museum,
Where we can sit outside
On the porch
At night
And count up all the religions we’ve tried
Because we still have yet to find
That if there is a god,
s/he exists in the space between our eyes,
and soon as morning comes
with light and insect hum
I’ll tell you this,
I’ll tell you this,
I’ll hibernate
Just to make
the space
Smaller

I will never lay this hurt upon you,
I will never toss you aside for my own convenience,
I will never leave you when you need me most,
I will never turn you into a stranger,
I will never make you an afterthought
I will never
I will never
I will never


Your face is the most beautiful poetry,
even if I don't know what you look like.


I hope I can meet you soon,
the thought of repeating the past is crushing.

And what they say is true,
The ones we love hurt us the most...
but even I didn't know it could hurt like this.


I will never treat you like I was treated.

Could I stand at the base of a waterfall and defy its beauty?
Could I see the morning and not revel in its soft, quiet moments?

You are beautiful,
whoever you are.

A nice little ritual I made

I have been trying to get a ritual together for the past few days in order to get rid of some emotions I have lingering for someone in my past. Moving on is important, and so I wrote up this ritual (with a bit of help from my friend teh interwebz), and I'll be doing it tomorrow evening or night. Portions that were taken from other websites I will mark by a ***. portions I wrote myself will obviously not have those.

Preparation
Have your Altar set up ahead of time. You will nead a bowl of water, a bowl or saucer of salt, some sage, some incense, and two pieces of paper, along with something to write with. I use a white candle for the Goddess, a darker Green candle for the God, and a black candle for Banishing (Meaning ridding yourself of something). Matches, of course, to light these with. You can use a lighter, but the little explosion of flame in a match seems so much more raw and earthy to me. I use a sword instead of an athame, but that is just my personal preference.

Sage
Sage the area; cleansing any and all negativity.

Circle
Starting in the east, hold sword out pointed slightly at the ground. Move clockwise and visualize a pure white light coming from its tip, and say
“I cast this circle of protection and consecration. This is sacred space. Only love may enter here, only good intention and a pure heart may enter here. The circle is cast. This is sacred space.”

Light Candle for Goddess
Invocation
***Earth Mother, Birth Mother, Birch Mother,
Sea Mother, Stone Mother, Star Mother!
Queen of night and death and birth,
Womb of deep and fertile earth,
Dame of heaven's silver wheel,
Lady of the greening field,
Keeper of the apple grove,
Mistress of the arts of love,
Shine out in the fearsome dark –
Teach us how to strike the spark.
People, we can feel Her near!
She is coming! She is here!

Light Candle for God
Invocation
***Sky Father, Wise Father, Wine Father,
Sun Father, Sap Father, Song Father!
Lord of forest, field and beast,
Lord of harvest, hunt and feast,
King of heaven's golden fire
Dancer of the soul's desire,
Master of the drum and flute,
Keeper of the vineyard's fruit,
Shine on us and warm our souls –
Teach us how to make us whole!
People, we can feel Him near!
He is coming! He is here!



 
Call upon ancestors (Offer libation of alchohol)
Ancestors! You who had the purest of hearts,
the noblest of thoughts,
and the most honorable of deeds,
I ask that you join me in this working.
Vikings,
Celts,
Spaniards,
Blood of my blood,
My flesh and my bones,
Lend me your wisdom –
For this I thank you.

*For anointing, draw a pentagram (I use an invocing pentagram for this part) and anoing your items on it.

Anoint black candle
Smudge candle with sage. Place oil on fingertips and rub in the direction of banishing, from center to top first and then from center to bottom afterwards. All the while, concentrate on the outcome, the intention. Visualize that outcome as a reality, as if it has almost occurred. Visualize that outcome as pent up in the candle, and that it will explode out when it is lit.

Anoint Air
Hold sword up high and say
“Creature of air, I cleanse you of negativity. So mote it be!”

Anoint Water
Point sword into water, with the tip touching the surface. In a powerful stance, and a powerful voice, say
***“Creature of water, I rid you of impurities. So mote it be!”

Anoint Salt
Point sword into salt, with the tip touching the surface. In a powerful stance, and a powerful voice, say
“Creature of earth, May you be blessed and consecrate all you touch So mote it be!”

*At this point, pour some salt and water into a separate container and flick it on your face and chest, anointing yourself

Light black candle
Anoint flame and state intention for candle. Beforehand, carve a symbol or sigil into the candle.

Write Intention on a piece of paper
Statement of intention.Draw banishing pentacle on back, and anoint with oil. For me, this intention is ridding myself of these clinging emotions to this person. So I am not banishing the person from my life, just the unhealthy emotions. However, you can use this ritual to banish whatever you wish.




Burn paper
“I banish you with the power of fire!”

Put some Ashes in water
“I banish you with the power of water!”

Put some ashes in salt
“I banish you with the power of earth!”

Put some ashes in the palm of your hand, and blow them out of the window
“I banish you with the power of air!”

Meditation

Thank The Goddess
“Earth mother, Night mother, I thankyou for your help, and for your presence.
In every step, may I walk in love, and in the comfort of your night.”

Thank The God
“Forest father, Day Father, I thankyou for your help and for your presence.
In every step, may I walk in love, and in the warmth of your day.”

Thank the ancestors
‘”Ancestors! Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, I thankyou for your wisdom. When the day is right I shal join you, where the brave may live forever”

Close the circle
“With your sword, starting in the east and moving counter clockwise, visualize a pure white light coming from its tip, and say
“I closethis circle of protection and consecration. This is sacred space. Only love may stood here, only good intention and a pure heart enteredhere. The circle is closed, yet unbroken. This is sacred space. So mote it be!”

*As you say so mote it be, clap your hands once, very loudly.

Offering of leftover salt and water, and remaining libation