So, this is day one.

1. When I nearly lost you on the 60 West, I nearly lost myself. I hate that you were thrown across the freeway by a careless asshole who thought only of himself. I hate that you will forever hold scars that remind us all of selfishness, greed, and fear. But I love that our family pulled together, became stronger, and overcame everything.
2. I am so proud that you are my mother. You can be tenaciously stubborn, but that has been the saving grace for our family for so long. When Dad was in the hospital it was YOU who fought for him, demanded the best care, and quoted Arizona law to the doctors who you caught cutting corners. Without your presence I know for a fact that our family would have fallen apart. Thank you for not leaving dad after his accident, and for loving him the same. If the two of you hadn't lasted, I might have lost faith in love all together.
3. Growing up with you was such an adventure. I miss you terribly sometimes, when I'm alone and I think about how we would play games in the backyard together and how we always had fun. Our arguments have been few and far between. Its funny, you're two years older than me and yet I have always seen you as my little sister. You're all grown up now. Married and working at a preschool. I'm looking forward to seeing you this Christmas.
4. I wish I hadn't made you into a non entity. But I feel like it was the only way I could heal at the time, the only way I could go on. And from that I have learned so much to be my own person, so that in the future I won't feel that way. From you I learned how dangerous it is to base yourself on someone, and how important it is to be my own person. To be Mark. While truly don't miss being with you, and I am so happy where I am now, I will miss having you as a friend. The only person to blame for that is myself.
5. It hurts me when I realize how little faith you have in our friendship. I have been your best friend since we were little. We have gone through so much, and yet it seems that now your belief that I will forget you is forcing it to happen. Yes, I have a new girlfriend. But in no way does she replace you.
6. I am so glad you came to visit! Recording music with you is so fun, even if my brain starts to hurt after a few hours. I love that we connect on music, you're the only other person I know who loves metal as much as I do. I also appreciate that you and I can talk about religion, politics, philosophy.... and also tits. You're one of my best friends for a reason. Thanks, guy.
7. You want to know why we don't hang out with each other anymore? While I care about you deeply, I feel like you see me as an emotional dumpster. Whenever we hang out you just complain and complain, whining about how terrible your life is. And yes, your life is very hard. I would never belittle your hardships, they are very real and I understand that. But at some point you must choose to be better, choose to be happy. The world owes you nothing, so you have to find that happiness within yourself. You are a beautiful person, and you need to learn to see that.
8. Your life is so much better than you realize. Your boyfriend loves you so much, and all of your friends care about you more than you know. I feel like I have given you too much in the past, and so if it seems that I'm becoming distant its only because I know you can do this on your own. You don't need me to baby you. You have so much potential, and I wish you could see that.
9. You thrive on hurting others, and you take joy in saying hateful things. You put on a pretty, innocent mask and then you betray everyone around you. You disappear from people's lives when they become inconvenient, and you have no sadness in respect to the way you treat others. I think its a bold statement to say that anyone is a horrible person, but you might be the closest I've met.
10. I have no idea what I did right to be with you. But know that you are such a blessing, and every moment I spend with you fulfills a part of my being that I hadn't known before. I love hearing you speak, learning from you, and simply being a part of your life. Know that there are moments when I am completely and utterly in awe of you; only your voice has rivaled the beauty of the wind through aspen leaves. I know, I am well aware of the risks involved in falling for you so quickly. But I also understand that this is the only life that I get, that I might die at any moment, and I do not want to lead a life in which I didn't Live. There are things I want to say that I also choose not to say. They are all good, I assure you. Thank you for being yourself, for being you.



And that was Day one.